Originally published at A Tiny Spark. You can comment here or there.

“The more light you allow within you, the brighter the world you live in will be.”
- Shakti Gawain

The world has been testing me lately… Things have been mighty bumpy in my life – both big and small – and I get the distinct feeling that it’s just a part of some big test to show how much I’ve grown in these past few months.

The above quote was from my latest therapy session, and – as always – it seems so fitting for what’s been going on lately. Kind of like the toilet overflowing on me at work last week was a perfect analogy of how the world was treating me the last few days. Thankfully, I don’t cry over spilled milk (or shit, come to find out).

Along with getting some aggression out in my paper journal (hello, word vomit!), I also had an amazingly wonderful Sunday taking photos of my favorite family in a beautiful park, and sharing a coffee with an old friend. Life immediately got better. Funny how that works.

Even though last week left me feeling like curling up in a hole and hiding out for a decade or two (Let’s just say an entire crowd of early-morning Starbucks customers got to see my pretty purple see through panties clad with a pad), if nothing else, it showed me how much I’ve changed in the last few months. My therapist was mighty impressed by me, and I have her to thank for it all.

Split pants or not, I am woman – hear me roar.

It's been so long since I've blogged. I realized this when I couldn't even remember what my blog looked like.

The other night my dear friend cloudwoven emailed me a link to her recent LJ entry, which pretty much just said I need to get my ass back on here. I promised her I would write this weekend, and so here I am.

I really don't even have that much to say, sadly. My life has become one big, long, sad rerun of "Groundhog Day". Work, home, sleep, repeat.

Things That Have Happened Recently
1. I lost my grandfather. After a long battle with cancer, my grandfather finally decided it was time to leave on July 1st. He would have been 90-years old on August 13th. He would have been married 69 years on August 29th. But he was tired. He fought a good fight.
So, not even a year after losing his second child (my aunt) to the same disease, he passed away. In ways it wasn't as hard to deal with as my aunt's death, simply because he had lived such a long, fulfilling life... But at the same time, he was my last grandfather, and I can't imagine a world without him in it. I visited him at the hospital the day before he passed. The doctors had told the family that we would probably want to see him soon. He was already drifting in and out of consciousness by the time I had gotten there. Lots of family were just sitting around, talking and remembering. Every once in a while talking to Gramp, touching his foot and making sure he was ok. He didn't really respond. It didn't even look like him anymore. In a week, he had deteriorated into some old, fragile man that I didn't know. My grandmother sat by his side while everyone conversed and just stared at him. Her hand on his, just waiting.
I was the last one he spoke to. I had to leave, and so I had walked over to kiss him on the forehead and tell him I loved him. I leaned in and yelled "it's Jessie Gramp. I'm going to leave now, ok? I love you." he didn't even open his eyes or move, except for his lips. I could barely make the words out, but I knew what he was saying. "I love you too."
It wasn't until the next morning when I got the call from my mother... And I knew before I answered what she was calling for. I had dreamed about this moment since his health had gone downhill. I answered the phone and just said "Hi..." It was silent for a moment and then I heard my mother's voice with all the strain and tears that I knew I would hear... And she just said "He's gone." and that's when she told me that I was the last one he spoke to. He never came out of the coma again after I had left.

2. We adopted kittens. on the brighter side of things, as you saw from my previous posts, the kittens have grown and we gave away all except two of them: Mr. Waffles & Lady Socks. My grandmother adopted one of the boys after Gramp had passed, which I was insanely happy about. She named him Chester, because her and Gramp had land up in Chester, Vermont all when my mother was growing up, and because they live on Chester Lane. Waffles and Socks definitely keep us our toes, climbing the drapes and attacking our toes in the middle of the night. But we do love them dearly. That means that we now have six cats, seven birds and a ten pound rabbit. Just call us the Gallagher Petting Zoo.

3. I went on vacation! leahcreates and I had been wanting to have a girls getaway for a while, and we had decided to take a long weekend vacation to the Cape. I hadn't been there in years and I really missed the ocean. It was wonderful and beautiful and I want to go back right now.

4. I walked away from Twitter. Which sounds like such a stupid "event" to log, but it had become such a huge part of my life that giving it up seemed like such a big deal. It's only been two weeks, but I honestly don't miss it much. Maybe it will give me more of a reason to write.

5. I am starting therapy again. After probably six or so years, I've decided to go back to therapy. The reasoning for this will be a blog post for another day, but my first appointment is tomorrow and I'm both excited and nervous about the outcome.

And there you have it. My summer in a nutshell.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.